Feeling Strange 

The past few days I’ve felt strange, almost as though I’m on another planet. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting a cold or if I’m just depressed again. 

I feel like I can’t do anything right and everything I do do isn’t good enough, I’m naturally very critical of myself anyway but lately I’ve been getting worse. Having my hours cut at work k hasn’t helped me feel any better either.

I guess I’ll post this and see what tomorrow brings…

Adjusting To Reality 

Florida was amazing, I mean really amazing I finally got to live my dream. 
But now I’m having trouble adjusting to normal life again, since I got off the plane 5 days ago I haven’t really slept and I’m still in a rut about the amount of weight I gained whilst we were there. 

I’m finding it strange being alone for most of the day, I got too used to being surrounded by people and noise and heat all the time but now I’m feeling kind of cold and lonely.

I’m finding it strange to drink coffee again as my soul druving force to stay awake, I miss the root beer and chocolate shakes and being able to eat pretty much what I want, but now I’m back I need to jump back on the vegan band wagon and put unhealthy habits behind me. 

I guess it will just take some time to adjust and come down from the ‘high’ of finally living my American Dream.

 Xxx

Pour Myself 

I want to pour myself into you and become the rhythmic motion of your beating heart, the rise and fall of your chest as staggered breaths leave your body to enter the atmosphere.
Pour myself into you and knit myself through every vein, see colour through your eyes and and taste the flavours of you that I have never tasted before. 
Pour myself into you and become an artist with numbers, the master mind behind keeping things in motion, to lay in your brain and become a realist.

I want to pour myself into you and become one with myself, pour myself into you and be happy. 
Thanks for reading lovelies, you can see my creative journey so far at: My Deviantart

Xxx

Time Wasting And Waiting

It’s something I need to do, start writing again, but I don’t know where to get inspiration.

I haven’t felt this lost or out of sync with my creative side for a very long time. Nowadays instead of writing I spend most of my time scrolling through Facebook reading over and looking through the same posts over and over again, looking at pictures of peoples kids I no longer speak to, I must admit I’m not really that interested in other [peoples kids, never mind what they had for breakfast that morning.

Recently I logged back into my Deviantart account, I was shocked to discover I had been a member for nine years, but I haven’t written anything of substance for nearly three years which makes me feel down and very under accomplished.

It feels like I’m wasting so much time waiting for my creative streak to come back, waiting for inspiration to hit,  but If I carry on with Facebook and instagram the way I have been mindlessly scrolling, I’m never going to get anywhere creatively.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I just have to write, no matter how bad I think the end product Is I just have to do It.

xxx

 

 

 

 

Falling In Love All Over Again

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over five years, and to be honest with you it hasn’t always been easy, I’ve had breakdowns and packed my bags and blindly ran without thinking on more than one occasion.

But I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been in a somewhat rocky relationship, lets face it, life doesn’t run smoothly one hundred percent of the time, I’m beginning to except that It’s just the way it is, and so are some relationships.

Recently We’ve been getting along better a lot better, and we’re enjoying each others company, going out, talking, laughing together, its the way a relationship should be. But whats changed?

And the answer is I have, I’ve changed the way I think about my relationship. I’m a lot more grateful for him, for the love and care and affection he shows me. I feel loved in feel in love again.

And its a really nice feeling and this time It will last, there’s no more running aeay when things get tough, I’ve got to face lifes problems head on.

xxx